Domestic Life Philosopher Pillows

Headless woman.

'I'm not complaining, Walter -- I just thought marriage would be more interactive.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Hungry child

"Man's best friends."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

“Can I have her now? Hey! My turn.”

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Actually, she's turned out to be a very clever pet. Watch when Rex stands up, she'll feed him a biscuit.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

Always Compatible

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Viking sitting patiently while his wife winds her wool on his helmets horns to sort it out.

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Do I have to go out again!?"

"But I use all of them!"

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."