Household Philosopher Pillows

Philosophy - who said it has no practical uses

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"So that's where you were last night."

The Boys of Indian Summer

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

'Why make the cake? If he's the Creationist you say he is, he'll prefer you bought it ready made.'

It's crème brûlée, Julia. It doesn't have a subtext.

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'