Home Philosopher Pillows

"Well according to this you're sat in my wealth corner."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'You lifted your head.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

The Origins of Everything

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"So that's where you were last night."

The Boys of Indian Summer

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'Oh, this is my son - I'm home-enlightening him.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

It's crème brûlée, Julia. It doesn't have a subtext.