Living Room Philosopher Pillows

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Honestly how ridiculous! It says here that men who read out snippets from the newspaper are frustrated orators!'

"So that's where you were last night."

My friend just told me every detail of his life, and now I'm going to tell them to you. Bob has the regift of gab.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

'It's always about you, isn't it?'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I should've never studied canon law."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

The Three Kinds of People

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."