Indoor Philosopher Pillows

Writer's irony.

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I should've never studied canon law."

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."