Basement Philosopher Pillows

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"So that's where you were last night."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

Shakespeare in the clink

The Boys of Indian Summer

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

Vanity artist

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Shocked bather sees space-time singularity forming in bathtub drain.

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

Writer's irony.

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

'Ecce homo!'

Cat asleep on man's stomach - an island in the bath.