Family Philosopher Pillows

"Would it kill me to get in touch with my mother once in a while?"

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

"I know you think I'm tough on you now, son. But you'il be much better prepared for life when I disinherit you."

"I'm not sure...my mom's thirty-one, so my grandpa must be like two-hundred?"

'Well son - When you're young the secret is to keep your mom happy. Then when you're older, keep your wife happy.'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I'm not speaking to you as a Republican or as an American. I'm speaking to you as your grandfather."

'You don't have any children. So what do you do for aggravation?'

'Every rule has an exception - that's the rule. . .'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'The first half of my life was ruined by my parents and the second half by my children. . .'

Markets and hierarchies.

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

'Do you ever wonder what Mom sees in you, Dad?'

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

'Dad, are we rich?'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'I know you want me to have all the things you never had as a kid, but I'd rather have the things I want.'

'When, son, do you plan to leave your mother and father and cleave unto another?'

"Daddy, what's the point of fathers?"

"Son, as long as my lawyers can still find enough legal loopholes to get me out somehow, I don't do anything immoral."

'I can't understand why my brother has two sisters but I only have one.'

'If that's where babies come from, how come I have two mommies?'

'Typical- Now I've reached an age where I don't mind phoning my mother, she's reached an age where she has no idea who I am.'

"Yes Darling, it's great to be strong, but you have to learn how to be gentle too..."

"I'll admit it, this family reunion hasn't lived up to my expectations."

"Son, do you remember 43 years ago when I agreed to become a weekend dad...?"

Post-Modern Parenting

"A manipulator is someone who has carefully studied the existential limitations of others and who knows how to take full advantage of those limitations, I am not that person."

Absent Father's Day

"I just wish we'd spent less time together when you were young."

"Why do you always have to be so paternalistic?"