Family Life Realist Pillows

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Mom, Dad! Look what I created in lab today!'

Hungry child

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

'Like death by salad.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"You owe me five bucks."

True confessions.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The No No No's