Family Philosophers Gifts

'Showering our children with money instead of love was a mistake. We should have invested it.'

"My parents are good providers, and if I say so myself, I'm not a bad providee."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You're welcome."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son

"And he paraphrased New York Judge Gerard Lynch when he said our country has an overinflated system of incarceration that is far too punitive, disproportionate in its impact on the poor, exceedingly costly and largely impotent in reducing crime. Anyway, that's what I learned in school today."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'