Modern Family Thinkers Gifts

"We don't believe in pressuring the children. When the time is right, they'll choose the appropriate gender."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I think I'm ready to go forth and multiply."

'Dad, are we rich?'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

"Son, as long as my lawyers can still find enough legal loopholes to get me out somehow, I don't do anything immoral."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"Remember, money can't buy happiness...if your Mother ever asks."

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

'How am I supposed to follow in your footsteps when you don't have any?'

The widow's intended: 'Well, Tommy, has your mother told you of my good fortune.' Tommy: 'No. She only said she was going to marry you!'

Biological parent's night.

Touring campuses with Twig was fun. Now I don't want to go back to work! Quit! I'm earning your tuition money, Teddy. Wait. You went to college to get a good job so

'When, son, do you plan to leave your mother and father and cleave unto another?'

It's a beautiful thing, watching your children grow into mature, responsible adults...

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

'Mom, Kevin just asked me to live with him!'

"Listen, Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore."

"I get the new phone, Timmy gets my phone, Annie gets his phone, Bobby gets her phone and you get his phone, dad, and you get to pay for it all."

"I'm strictly yes or no. Alexa and Siri deal with facts. Value judgements we leave to your mother."

'Well son - When you're young the secret is to keep your mom happy. Then when you're older, keep your wife happy.'