Fatherhood Experience Gifts

'How many times have I said never to leave any dangerous things in reach of the baby... Things like knifes or forks... Or Asparagus sticks!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

Chez Nous Menu

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"WHich one is mine?"

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"I miss the Augean stables."

A baby playing on a grand piano

Dad Trophies

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"That's mine!"

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Growth Charts

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Food deliverer's baby.

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

My daddy ate my homework

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."