Fathers Gifts

"Well, the children are grown up, married, divorced, and remarried. I guess our job is done."

"Does this make us bad parents?"

'Relax, Ted, it's only a phase!'

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'...And this is our spare son in case the first one doesn't live up to expectations'

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Those are my parents. Aren't they terrific?"

"The hardest part of homework is keeping my parents motivated."

'We must be great parents...our children all hate us.'

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

"If you can get his parents to go ballistic, he can't hit a thing."

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"When I was your age, I was an adult."

'She has great communication skills.'

'It followed me home, can I keep it?'

'When did you first notice he had The Blues?'

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

'You wash, I'll dry.'

'Mum, Dad... I know you'll find this hard to accept, but I'm afraid I'm straight!'

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Letter from Camp* (*with Footnotes)

'Where did we go wrong?'

'Relax, Ted, it's only a phase!'

Baby spelling out 'I Want It All' with bricks.

"I internalize my mother's needs Monday through Friday and my father's needs most weekends."

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

Pardon me! My being born was your idea, not mine!

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

Quiz: Why is your two-year old so quiet

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

Returning Christmas gifts.

"I'm afraid it's worse than just a case of measles....the red marker your son used to put on the spots was a permanent marker!"

You are Here- But Do You Know Where Your Kids Are?