Father Issues Pillows

Dad never had time to play catch.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Killer Executive Suits.

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

I like the Jets...I guess