Frustrated Fathers Pillows

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

Toys in the DVD Player.

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Your wife has had triplets. I suggest you go home and get some of the sleep you won't get in the next several years.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

"Which one's mine?!"

'Is there a lemon law for husbands?'

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

Push me! Mom! Well? I'm waiting! The Little Engine Whose Parents Did Everything For Him.

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

"Santa knows how little you know about technology, so he sent me to help you figure out how to use all the new devices you and your family got. I'm from his tech-support department."

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

"That password is somewhere in your brain. I think I know how to extract it."

"No! Instagram was enough! I don't want to know about Tik Tok!"

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

Man and his little dog stand outside the entrance to a shop readings a sign that says "No little yappy dogs".

'Thanks,Mister Higgs-I needed THAT!'

'Girls her age don't act like they're listening, but. . . they are. . . She knows what you expect of her, and she'll live up to that, more or less. . . C'mon. How much trouble can she get into?'

"Your mother tells me she caught you paying for porn and I'm very disappointed in you. . ."

'My dad's more absent than your dad...'

Parents' nightmare #23: their teenager behind the wheel of a self-driving car

Dad never had time to play catch.

Baby Trouble.

'That's right, Arthur, I've been grounded.'