Comedically Overwhelmed Dads Pillows

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

Toys in the DVD Player.

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

The modern generation!

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'My daughter made me a decoy for Father's Day. It would break her heart if I didn't use it.'

"There's no umbilical cord. But don't worry... it just means your baby is connected to you via wifi."

"Which one's mine?!"

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"Geez. He's bald. No teeth. And craps in diapers."

"Right now I'm a stay-at-home dad, but when this baby comes I'm going back to work."

'Maybe tomorrow.'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

"Santa knows how little you know about technology, so he sent me to help you figure out how to use all the new devices you and your family got. I'm from his tech-support department."

"Yoiks!"

"That password is somewhere in your brain. I think I know how to extract it."

"Attention please. We have a lost little boy named Kevin...."

"No! Instagram was enough! I don't want to know about Tik Tok!"