Comedic Dad Pillows

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

"Yoiks!"

"Dad, I need some help - what's 4 x 4?"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Fetch.'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

How witness protection really works...

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

'He looks exactly like his father!'

'Genius! Art class and snack time!'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

Inside voice!

They Removed my Brain.

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

Meals on Heels.

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

Painting dad's face

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

"Daddy is fiscally buff."

'It's called a monogram, not a shirt tattoo.'

'Want to watch the Father-Son talk greatest hits?'