Comedic Parent Pillows

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

'He says I look like Hugh Hefner - how does HE know Hugh Hefner'

"Are you all right dad?"

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'You should have explained that stuff about the birds and the bees to her instead of me.'

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

Inside voice!

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Wow, that's a lot of channels for such a little TV."

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

"I want to be just like you when I grow up. Except for, you know, chunky and broke."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

They Removed my Brain.

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'And this is the person who will feed you, clothe you and pay for your education.'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

Meals on Heels.