Comedic Parenting Pillows

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

'Fetch.'

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

Inside voice!

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

They Removed my Brain.

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

'And this is the person who will feed you, clothe you and pay for your education.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Meals on Heels.

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

"Dad, I need some help - what's 4 x 4?"

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

Mrs. Ginder like to subtly call attention to those students who performed poorly on her tests.

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."

"For the last time, stand up straight and wipe your carrot."

Baby Teething.