Fatherhood Ponderer Pillows

"If I have a son, I'm going to name him 59379 Jr."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"WHich one is mine?"

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Growth Charts

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

My daddy ate my homework

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

A man and baby wearing bibs

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Deny it all you want. He looks just like you."

"He looks so much like his dad."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"Which one is yours?"

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

'Mom says she has a souffl