Parental Mischief Pillows

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

Later that day, little Johnny got in big trouble for playing with them.

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

'Who gave you that black eye?'

Urine sample

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

"It didn't work -- My imaginary playmate refused to take the rap."

Those bubble wrap kids.

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."

"I'll distract him by pretending to throw a ball. That's when you grab some catnip toys and run."

Two boys pulling faces

'My lawyer told me to never put anything in writing.'

Next year Timmy gets socks for his birthday

"My strength is the strength of ten because I'm fourteen."

"Go … get … your … mother."