Parental Mischief Pillows

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

Later that day, little Johnny got in big trouble for playing with them.

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

It's so frustrating! They always stop acting evil the minute you start recording.

'Who gave you that black eye?'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Don�t waste your peas! Ok! Snort! Ow! What are you doing? Not wasting my peas.

Urine sample

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

'Mom, Jason is making negative robocalls about me!'

Those bubble wrap kids.

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

"It didn't work -- My imaginary playmate refused to take the rap."

Two boys pulling faces

Next year Timmy gets socks for his birthday

'My lawyer told me to never put anything in writing.'

"I'll distract him by pretending to throw a ball. That's when you grab some catnip toys and run."

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."

"My strength is the strength of ten because I'm fourteen."