Devilish Parent Pillows

It's so frustrating! They always stop acting evil the minute you start recording.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Baby Hairstyles.

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"Where's your nose?"

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

An extreme sports biker as a baby.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'Just doing the school run.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Sorry, Dad. My offensive lineman says I don't have to go to bed yet.'

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

"I'll explain later."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

'You did that on purpose!'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

Boho Bribes

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

'Hello? Animal control?'