Devilish Parent Gifts

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Baby Hairstyles.

"Where's your nose?"

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

An extreme sports biker as a baby.

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'Sorry, Dad. My offensive lineman says I don't have to go to bed yet.'

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Just doing the school run.'

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'You did that on purpose!'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

Boho Bribes

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'