Parenting Peril Pillows

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

It's so frustrating! They always stop acting evil the minute you start recording.

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"Should we raise him to succeed by nurturing him, or neglect him so severely that he finds success as a megalomaniacal sociopath?"

"The baby's nice, but it's not the narcissistic rush I thought it would be."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"It's not the kids I hate. It's the parents for having them."

'My parents try so hard to do the right things for me, but, unfortunately, they're always wrong.'

'Don't you think that kid's a little old to still be sucking on a bottle?'

'Your teacher says he finds it impossible to teach you.'

'Dammit, Tell! Practice on your own kid!'

'Mum-I need a solicitor!'

A father and his daughter anxiously prepare for her first date.

'You'll have to excuse Graham, he sees his son as a role model.'

House Hold Accident

That was the trouble with being raised by wolves, I was just so gosh darned yummy!

"You ungrateful little beast! How dare you accuse me of being an overbearing stage mother! Go to your room and stay there!"

'Son, you'll never be anything but a bum.'

"I need to talk to you about your parenting style."

"Just wait till your father gets paroled."

A recent study found that their parents now spend as much time on their devices as their children do.

"Bye bye, sweetie. Daddy and I will pick you up when you're eighteen."

"Oh yeh, me and my daughter are really close."