Modern Family Mischief-makers Pillows

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Gesundheit!"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

How to avoid a heart attack.

'I can't undo anything - I've forgot my toolbox!'

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"What a gloriously sunny day...! I must get in the garden and burn something..."

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

"What were those songs you were singing?"

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

One C Battery, Two Double A's.

'So what did my Father say when you asked if you could marry me?'

'My lawyer told me to never put anything in writing.'

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."

Wife woken by husband shooting rabbits from the bedroom window

'I've learned how to wink! Watch-.'

"Well this is awkward!"

Kid in the A & E because his hand is stuck in his piggy bank.