Mom Mischief Makers Pillows

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

"Gesundheit!"

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

Hallowe'en wake up call

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

It's sure been easier to mess around at work since we decided to bell the boss.

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

'But I only came in to have my appendix out!'

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

'Good morning!'

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

Santa falls on hard times: 'Numbskulls! I said use lady's stockings!'

"I told you we should have given them treats!"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

'I'm here for making house calls to the homes of doctors at 3am.'

'You may not have many faults, but you really make the most of the ones you do have.'

One C Battery, Two Double A's.

By the way, my foot's asleep. So, I guess an unscrupulous woman who wanted to play footsie with me could pretty much get away with murder right now. !

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

Tommy Cooper.

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"What were those songs you were singing?"

George Washington at Christmas: 'I can not tell a lie.'

'Sorry about that. My dog got a hold of my voodoo doll.'

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."

Wife woken by husband shooting rabbits from the bedroom window