Farm Life Humor Gifts

They're free-range, but they never leave the wi-fi area.

Blackmail is such an ugly word...Don't you agree?

'After dinner we went to his place. It was really nice. I was expecting a sty.'

"Early Sparings are all well and good, but I can't keep up this gambolling for much longer."

It still tastes a bit 'GRASSY'!

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Static cling."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"I'm an enigma!"

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'