Fans Of Whimsical Humor Gifts

Elf Improvement

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Raised by Dogs

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Dog in casino.

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'Hon, I'm home!'

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

The worm that churned!

Ask A Silly Question.

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"This way I don't have to lug around that big bag."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

'How come this sheep tastes like sugar?'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"Look! A sushi bar!"

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"Excuse me, but I'm the only one who opens cans around here!"

'I'VE GOT EYE CANDY!'

'It's true: I was hunting with the King himself last week...'

Bus for Giraffes.

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

"In all of Montana, you’ll not find a more sublime flyfisher than Mittens."

Banana

The Tin Man really should have asked the wizard for common sense.

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.