Whimsical Comedy Fan Gifts

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"Ooh...this looks like fun. I could do with a good giggle!"

'Let him go or your friend gets it.'

'Oh...Sty Candy!'

'Y'know, Humpty, you need to get right back on that wall!'

Skipping Horse

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

A Fairytale Update

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Vlad the Impala

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.