Whimsical Comedy Fan Pillows

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"Ooh...this looks like fun. I could do with a good giggle!"

'Let him go or your friend gets it.'

'Oh...Sty Candy!'

'Y'know, Humpty, you need to get right back on that wall!'

Skipping Horse

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Vlad the Impala

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

The Brothers Grime