Fans Of Absurdity Gifts

'This taste funny to you?'

"Well done, Agnes, it's really disgusting!"

"I don't care what anyone says, I'm cold."

"You shouldn't feel too bad. I think it's remarkable they managed even one jump."

A blimp falls in love with a fat man.

Elephant Leak

A doctor disintegrates a patient's leg with a reflex hammer

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

UFO and snowman

Operation.

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Breakfast surreal.

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Franz Kafka does stand-up...