Fan Of The Absurd Gifts

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

I can't explain why. But I'm luvin' it!

"Oh, yes, sir, the zebra is fresh."

As Lucanus, a giant bug, awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into Franz Kafka.

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

The Bonvoy Age...

'Pssst! Look what I snuck past those bonebrains!'

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Pastry Hat

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

Salvador Dali's cats.

Operation.

Baseball.

UFO and snowman

"What a way to go."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'