Lover Of Absurdity Gifts

Our little mole problem is getting worse.

"What's this I hear about large quanities of ice, fish, and small sea creatures being purchased by your department?"

Things and Creatures

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Foolish Bank Robber.

Flashing

West or East

Man crawls into a hole labeled 'for people'.

Summer Sauna

'Wait, are you allergic to bees or nuts?... I can never remember.'

Lover's Leap.

Operation.

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"Now you can send it."

"It's time you knew the truth, Ron. Your father was a horse's a**."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Trapeze artists commuting

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

For manual operation

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Glance Exchange

"Bigfoot"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Extreme Sisyphus

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Valet park only"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'