Lover Of All Things Absurd Gifts

'Let's see...Lloyd Young...Sat on by elephant...He's in rooms 23, 24 and 25.'

"It's okay, I've got diarrhea."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

Extreme Sisyphus

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

Baseball.

Operation.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

A Centaur Taking A Shower

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'