Love For The Absurd Gifts

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

Operation.

Breakfast surreal.

UFO and snowman

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Trapeze artists commuting

Magnet at scrapyard

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

The Bonvoy Age...

The Hypnotato,

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."