Fan Of Absurdity Gifts

'Excuse me, sir. Can I interest you in a timeshare property?'

"Sayyy....what a perfect opportunity to share with you the benefits of Scientology and Amway!"

Cockroach Costume

'Why, Grandma. What a spare bedroom you have!'

Passport Control: 'Purpose of visit?' (to Horseman of Apocalypse).

'I still think you're lucky -- sitting in the corner isn't much of a punishment for TREASON.'

The Misunderstandings of Martin Stupid: Martin and the Vet.

'I don't mind the haunting. I mind the droppings.'

"You're either going to have a fish supper or you're going to lose your memory."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Pastry Hat

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Now you can send it."

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

Boomerang cow.

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Who's next?"

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

One way only.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.