Absurdity Fans Gifts

'Give me all your money or I'll blow smoke in your face.'

No glass, no washing up, so it's free!

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

Pastry Hat

Glance Exchange

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Bigfoot"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Valet park only"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Who's next?"

One way only.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"It's my helper trout!"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

Breakfast surreal.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"I like fountains very much!"

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'You need some stress.'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"