Absurdity Fan Gifts

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

At the Corner of Irate and Insane

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Aisle 3, Infants'

Lester Hacks into an Abacus.

Pet bird on a lead.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'Hot Apple Pie' from a cash machine

The Puppet Poop

Hydrant leaks on dog.

'My card - I'm an optician.'

"See ya later, suckers!!"

A Peek Inside the Monster Soda Factory

Free Range Elephant

Pointless Past Times: Counting grains of sand

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

'Wow! That must be a big league baseball!'

What heppens when you tie a rope around an elephant's loins and sit a cowboy on its back. (Rodeo today).

'I hate the monsoon season!'

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Is really wet, here!"

"Honey, it's Lorna from next door. She wants to borrow three hundred cups of sugar."

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"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Now, do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?"

Burglar steals man's head and headless man posts a missing sign.

The Executioner's Identity Lineup

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."