Absurdity Enthusiasts Gifts

Tourists and their Pets.

'I always was a bit concerned about the health risks of second-hand smoke.'

"And you're sure we don't need planning permission?"

Duck Decoy

'Bravo Professor, you stumbled upon the one fact that makes sense of it all. Unfortunately humanity is not permitted to know that the Universe was designed by a committee of ducks.'

'Er, Jim have you seen my Wallet? I think I might have put it down somewhere?'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Glance Exchange

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Valet park only"

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

"Who's next?"

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

One way only.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"It's my helper trout!"