Absurdity Enjoyers Gifts

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Glance Exchange

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Extreme Sisyphus

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Optimist

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"Valet park only"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Who's next?"

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

One way only.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"It's my helper trout!"