Absurdity Enjoyers Gifts

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Bigfoot"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"Who's next?"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Valet park only"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

One way only.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"It's my helper trout!"

Robber on treadmill

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'