Absurdity Lovers Gifts

Breakfast surreal.

Please help - Experiment Went Horribly Wrong...

'You're accused of running too fast and knocking down a pedestrian...'

The Broken Clock That Is Wrong Twice A Day

LOST & FOUND, 'Where did you last see this pink elephant?'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"He was a sea rescue."

"Bigfoot"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Glance Exchange

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Extreme Sisyphus

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Valet park only"

"Who's next?"

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

One way only.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"