Absurdity Enjoyer Gifts

'Why on earth would anyone want to butter a peanut?'

McCooties, Gold, & Jibbs.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Barcode Dreams

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Now you can send it."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Who's next?"