Art Of Absurdity Fan Gifts

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Glance Exchange

Pastry Hat

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Bigfoot"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Valet park only"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Who's next?"

Boomerang cow.

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

One way only.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"It's my helper trout!"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

Franz Kafka

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."