Faith Skeptics Gifts

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."

"I think you've got the wrong person - I'm an atheist."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Alternative Medicine

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Crystal Ball Plug

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."