Church Skeptic Gifts

"Guess who has two thumbs and did not waste HIS Sunday morning listening to lies."

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Alternative Medicine

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'