God Skeptic Gifts

"A chicken and two dogs walk into a bar... I forget the rest of the joke, but there's no God."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"I totally meant to do that."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist