Religion Skeptic Gifts

"This just in... armed gunmen have stormed a church in Fairfield..."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"Easter and Halloween are my two favorite zombie-related holidays."

"Looks like Father's done a bunk."

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

"I was respectful of religion once. I found it did not suit me. So I vowed to never do it again."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Alternative Medicine

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Crystal Ball Plug

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.