Fairy Tale Humorists Gifts

'It's getting really difficult to fatten them up, since the government clamped down on the sugar and fat content in food.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Here we are."

"If she thinks I'm just gonna come running on home, wagging my tail behind me..."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Gone to lunch back in 10 mins.

Woman's lover turns out to be a rhino

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'...'Throw down my hair'? In this condition?'

Angular monster attempting to lure Norm into his maw with tongue shaped like a sexy woman.

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

"This isn't how the story went at all."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

The Mythical Unicorn.

"But wait, there's more."

"Yes, eating fish is good for your health, but eating your doctor would not be!"

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'Ooooh, it's Frosty! Couldn't you just melt in his arms?'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

Born Cynical,,,,

'Is THAT it? You call THAT turning into a prince?'

'I have scarcely closed my eyes, sire! Heaven know what's in this bed!'

Fairy Tale Gone Wrong

"Full moons were a problem but it's gotten a lot calmer since we installed the doggy door."

Little Red Riding Hood

'Dad was fibbing, Mum... the new TV DOES show stuff beside sport!'

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

'Turn me back into a lovely assistant right now Martin.'

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

'Remember the Magic Bean Project that we shut down last week?'