Fantasy Humorists Gifts

'Is this irony or coincidence?'

"You're gonna have to walk now. This is starting to feel really gay."

"Sod climbing it - I'm gonna smoke it...!"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Here we are."

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"It'll take three wishes to get less cream cheese on your bagels in New York."

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Gone to lunch back in 10 mins.

Woman's lover turns out to be a rhino

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

"Has he had all his shots"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

The Mythical Unicorn.

I thought we agreed, this birdbath was our little secret!

"Yes, eating fish is good for your health, but eating your doctor would not be!"

'Well, since you put it like that, I suppose we could reduce the price of the property slightly.'

"But wait, there's more."

'Honey, why aren't you destroying your toys?'

The Birth of the Easter Bunny.

"It's okay. When the moon is full, the only thing I'm slashing are the prices."

Spermaid - A spermaid waves to a passing sperm.

"Full moons were a problem but it's gotten a lot calmer since we installed the doggy door."

Born Cynical,,,,

'...You know bestiality is illegal.'

'Turn me back into a lovely assistant right now Martin.'

'Is THAT it? You call THAT turning into a prince?'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

"I'll grant you three startup ideas."

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.