Extinction Philosopher Gifts

'What would I do if I only had one day left to live? That's a good question. Why do you ask?'

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

"Where do you think we are in the food chain right now?"

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"They're very time-sensitive."

'Good grief! Aren't you guys extinct yet?'

Apocalliptical

Quicksands of time

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"I've got pride but no shame."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

Bio-obsolescence

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

The Last Mosquito

'It looks like our time is up.'

"Just you wait!"

Could the extinction of the dinosaurs have been due to a virus?"

Grim Reaper Checkout

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

God is a spider.

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

'You think you're close? Listen Bud, I wrote the book on extinction!'

"Well, the way I've heard it, our species once dies out - then humans came along, destroyed the planet - then evolution started all over again and here we are. . ."

"It's from God - a bill for 557 pterodactyls, 76 baby brontosaurs and 28 giant tapirs, payable within 30 days or we'll be extinct."

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

'This isn't a BREAKTHROUGH, Colbert! This is a CIRCULAR REASONING! All you've done here is re-state our original objective.'

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

Hollywood ending.

Only very few of the lumbering giants relied on speed...