Existential Philosopher Gifts

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

"I don't get it. I play in the park, eat all day long, get back rubs from strangers, and still I wonder, 'What's it all about?'"

Defeatists Anonymous will meet here tonight at...oh, what's the use? It's not like we're going to solve our problems or anything.

'Well, he certainly lived every day as if it was his last.'

'Let's face it, Dwight. This is as high in the need pyramid as we're going to get tonight!'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

The Existential Bigfoot

"I've got pride but no shame."

The angels of death and taxes do lunch.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

'...What's the point?'

'I know that 'you can't take it with you' but what would you do with it when you got there anyway?'

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

"I had a dream again last night, where I discovered I wasn't so entrenched after all."

Finally, a cable network aimed at me. "You're watching the Pointless Existence Channel."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about mortality. Your answer should have been "nothing." The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-s. Stop it.

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

Quicksands of time

Elwood P. Farnum: Scientist, Mastermid, Time Traveler.

"One hundred million neutrinos are passing through our bodies every second, and we're worried about the price of coffee."

"Look, Grim, I'm really sorry. It's not you, it's me ... well, it's mostly you, like 85/15 ..."

In the piltdown sector

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

reincarnated worm...

Jean-Paul Sartre

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

'Hamlet'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"Why bother?"

Pinocchio's Second Realization